Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Thoughts on a rainy day

I think it's interesting... During my times of trial is when I feel my Heavenly Father's and the Savior's love for me the most--not when everything is fine and dandy (which it never is). I'm going to try to put into words something that I have figured out lately. Bear with me, because it's really hard to explain what I have in my head.

Here is a pattern that I've seen happen in my life time and time again. Whenever I'm going through a trial (the kind of trial that has a beginning and an end in a relatively short period of time), at the beginning I tend to fall away from my Heavenly Father. Not completely, I just am not my best self. I divert my focus onto the trial (and how ridiculous and stupid it is that I have to have it) rather than going to Heavenly Father to help me through it. My prayers start turning insincere and it becomes apparent that I am not allowing the Holy Ghost in when he knocks (which, my friends, he is constantly doing). It always takes me a long time to realize that I am not putting forth my full effort in my prayers and spirituality, and that because of this, it is making my life harder.
But then, in a moment of clarity, that little angel on my shoulder says without fail, "Oh my goodness gracious, Cathy. Your prayers sound like a 5 year old's. You're not even trying. Cathy. Let's go. Swallow your pride and ask Heavenly Father for help."
Then, my whole perspective changes. I sincerely ask Heavenly Father for 1st, forgiveness for not being sincere with Him and not letting Him into my life, and 2nd, help with my trial. It's at this point (asking for and accepting Heavenly Father's help in my life) that I start feeling His love for me.
He helps me to change my attitude (which is half the battle) and He holds my hand along the way until I'm through my trial. He doesn't help me around it, or over it, or crawl under it, but through it. It's hard. REALLY hard. Sometimes it's so hard that I can't even seem to see 2 feet in front of me. But I also know what it would be like without Him. Gosh. That's a crazy thought. . .
After the fight and struggling is over (for that certain trial), I feel so much love from and for my Heavenly Father and my Savior.
Drawing near to Him when I need assistance helps me to feel His love for me. I get a glimpse (a miniscule glimpse) of how the Savior felt in the Garden, which helps me to love Him more. When I let Him help me in times of trial, I pay attention to His hand in my life. Because of this, I feel His love for me more. I can literally feel Him buoying me up. I can feel Him giving me strength to get out of bed in the morning and continue on, even when the future seems pitch black.
I can also feel the opposite. I can tell when Satan is tapping on my spirit. I've noticed that lately; I can distinguish what is just an idea in my head, and what is Satan's power trying to discourage me. This is when I need to turn to Heavenly Father right away. Satan is working hard, especially now. It's the last days. We have work to do, and he is doing everything he can to make us not accomplish it. We can't give in.

Elder Holland said: "The future of this world has long been declared; the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is absolutely no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing is all of this is that we are still down here on the field trying to decide which team's jersey we want to wear!" 

So basically, I'm grateful for my trials. I don't promise to always have that attitude, but without my trials, I wouldn't feel Heavenly Father's love for me as much as I do.


  1. Cathy I absolutely adore you! This was so beautifully written and inspiring! You are just so great and wonderful and I'm glad you're my best friend! I love you<3